Parenting Guide

Parenting Guide

Understanding Self-Regulation

The Dial Up and Dial Down Model

“The better I self-regulate as a parent, the better my child will self-regulate. The better my child self-regulates, the less stress I feel.”

– DR. STUART SHANKER

  • What is Self-Regulation?

    You have probably noticed that some children are sensitive to the slightest noise, while others require a very loud noise to respond. Some children can do errands with you all day and not get cranky, while others get fussy and need some quiet time after a short outing. If you want your child to thrive…


  • Parents Model Self-Regulation

    Your interactions with your child play an important role in her future capacity to self-regulate. Whenever you calm your own anxiety, control your anger, manage powerful emotions, or delay gratification, you are regulating your internal states. Modeling how you regulate your own emotions or behavior in various situations helps your child learn to do the…


  • Help Your Child Dial Up and Dial Down Her Internal Energy

    Developing your child’s ability to self-regulate requires you to observe her closely and respond appropriately. From birth, you help your child regulate her fluctuating arousal states. We call this simple self-regulation model Dial Up and Dial Down. • Dial Down: When you rock your fussy child in a quiet room before bed, you are helping…


  • Dial Up and Dial Down Examples

    Emotion Regulation • Sixteen-month-old Jack is at the doctor’s office for his checkup and is afraid of getting a shot. His mother, Estee, wants to help him lower his anxiety (Dial Down). • Estee acknowledges and validates Jack’s fear by saying in a comforting voice, but with a long frown on her face, “I know…


  • Resources for Further Reading

    Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self- regulation. New York, NY: W. W. Nortion and Company. Rothbart, M. K. & Rueda, M. R. (2005). The developmentof effortful control. In U. Mayr, E. Awh, & S. Keele (Eds.), Developing individuality in the human brain: A tribute to Michael…


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